Whether you’re in discussion with your soon-to-be about wedding vows, or perhaps you’ve always known you want to write your own, it can be tricky figuring out where to start. We’ve heard it all at our four Massachusetts wedding venues, and are seeing more and more couples opting to write their own wedding vows.
Whether saying them privately during a first look, or publicly declaring them in front of those they love, if you’re writing your own vows, here are some tips on where to start.
1. Learn What Marriage Vows Mean to Each Other
First and foremost, it’s smart to have a conversation with your partner about what your marriage vows mean to you and their purpose.
Generally speaking, wedding vows set your intentions for your marriage. They’re a commitment, a promise, and a foundation on which you’ll build your life together. It’s essential to identify what is important to both of you in your vows that you’ll declare to the other.
2. Get on the Same Page
The gamut of where you start and end your vows and everything in between is quite large. Some may have a comedic approach where others may be more intimate or adoring. It’s crucial to at least approach your vows from the same viewpoint — tone, length, and meaning.
3. Find Inspiration
Inspiration can be found in so many places. We recommend going through some photos of you and your partner — ones that might ignite special memories of moments you’ve shared together. Listening to music lyrics or searching on Pinterest can also help broaden your perspective. We recommend keeping a note in your phone, or a journal of ideas to keep track of any and all inspiration that sparks when you least expect it. This will be where you can draw your inspiration from rather than starting from scratch when you sit down to write.
4. Make Real Promises to Each Other
In sharing stories of how you met and fell in love, or listing the things you love about each other, it can be easy to get caught up in the details of your life together. Tell all the stories, talk all about your love, but don’t forget to sneak in a vow or two…or as many as you want. They can be as specific or as simple as “I promise to always share the TV remote with you on Friday nights” or “I vow to support you in all your endeavors.” They are your vows after all.
5. Keep it Personal
One of the reasons you may have decided to write your own vows is because you want to share personal, deep and meaningful promises together. Remember, these are your intentions — so make them specific to your relationship. If there’s a vow in a traditional setting that doesn’t relate to your relationship and how you view your marriage, don’t include it. But if there’s a fun, tongue-in-cheek kind of vow that’ll make you both chuckle and will mean something special to your partner, this would be something to definitely include in your promises. Keep it personal, include lighter-hearted promises, but don’t forget that hard times will happen. Including intentions around how you will approach those moments are another great way to acknowledge the forever you’re entering into. No matter what you decide to include, keep in mind the real reason why you’re getting married — you love your person.
Writing your own wedding vows is an incredibly special way to set intentions for your unique love story and lay the foundation for your marriage. There are no rules for writing your own vows, but we hope these tips can help get you started!
When in doubt, we recommend designating a close friend to read both of your vows and determine if they are in sync with length, tone, etc. This will help put you at ease knowing you’re on the same page as your partner. If you’d rather declare your personal vows in a more intimate setting, we recommend considering a first look. Click here to learn more about the pros and cons of doing a first look.
